I haven’t posted on here in a while…
I need to get this out.
I thought it was gone. I honestly thought I was finally and completely getting better. But last night… I don’t know how… I don’t know why…. but I just was overcome last night. It’s like I just, all of a sudden, without warning, could feel absolutely nothing. I had no will to do anything out of my own conscious. I don’t know if there were too many thoughts and emotions to feel anything, or if my heart is just finally giving up… but I just can’t feel.
I’m only scared of one thing. And that’s what’s to become of me in the future. As of right now, I don’t want to have a future. At all.
I don’t want to risk the possibility of not being happy, not being able to support my family, losing those closest to me yet again… I can’t take that anymore.
I want this to end. I want this to stop. I want all the ifs to go away. I want all my broken dreams to disappear.
Lately, I’ve been saying that life’s all about making memories.
Well now I want to become a memory.